hmmm

I haven't had time to blog.
Also, I need to decide the best way to proceed given that I have now like TWO institutions and/or professional identities to protect, and which I've already been flirting with offending. Eh.
I'll figure it out, like everything else in my life, eventually.

Good news though in the progress toward finishing in school, my research, and also our personal struggle for medical our own answers.

All in good time babies.

Gangsta Boogie

Don't dare call it a comeback. (New post here.)

Happy Spring

I never get a chance to blog.

Do you know when you have to piss soooooo bad and you've had to wait so long that when you finally get to sit down to let it go it can't. Like if you let it go your bladder might be lashed by the force of it and so your body clenches tight.

That's my blogging status currently. I cannot blog. And were I to unleash now all that is within me you would all be blown to bits and so would I.

I cannot unleash such a force.

GawdDAMN blogging is fun.

How I miss you.

Work sucked this week kind of but not and life is so much better than it was but still rather a stressride, but tis as well, I've realized because it seems at this juncture that I'm far better adapted to the ship-wreck than the fun-cruise as that is what I know, and tis as well.

Tis as well, I realize. But life, it is getting better, and I praise the lovely setting Sun to my left for that.

I came home early today. Everyone spent the day in the office antsy like kids on the last day of school before the summer. After flirting with Spring at last it was outside our window and we could. not. be contained.

Could not be contained.

By three I couldn't do it, I was done. By five I left and pushed along the beltway against traffic, all of us eager to start the spring weekend, horses chomping at the bit of our traffic angst. But it yielded, it did, and here I am.

I even had a drink. Eight cool ounces of Smirnoff Ice and gosh aren't my fingers running without a second thought. Perhaps I will flirt with the drinks some summer afternoons, as I am thirty and it is legal after all, unlike the things I enjoy more. Although Obama might change that soon 'nuff. And I say, OH CAPTAIN MY CAPTAIN.

But I digress.

I think this post must be long as my fingers have been typing as fast as they could stumble, and the sun, that glorious Full Spring Sun is finally setting behind the trees and another apartment building.

But I am lovely. I've received compliments at work from co-workers. Really good happy ones. Hugs and smiles. And I've received strange hand-written notes from strung-too-tight bosses who despite my efforts insist on being SO TENSE. Fuck it.

Fuck it. I am unconcerned.

I love you dear blogtopia. I have begun carrying my little music-thing to record errant bloggy thoughts as they may occur on the beltway as per PF's suggestion. I am trying. And I miss you.

And if I could live constant moments within my life in front of the post-window charging my fingers like I was playing whack-a-mole on the keys and fuzzy from malt liqour and sunshine and joy, well then I would. I SO would.

But at least I am here now sweethearts. At least I am here NOW.

Smooches and smiles sweet blogosphere friends. Happy Spring Happy Spring Happy Spring. :D

Estah

It is Easter Sunday, but a quiet day here as usual.
Yesterday somebody's health was rougher than expected and I struggled to stay above the waves. Later he suggested I sit on the patio, and he was so right. I needed the air, the light, the openness.
I bought egg dye yesterday on a whim for the memories of sitting at my Grandmother's table, with the smell of vinegar and cups of color. But I most likely won't get around to using it. Before making a mess, I should be cleaning messes, and I'm reconciling myself to the fact that I will not, can not, do too much today.

Despite feeling always buried by a mountain of desperate to-do's that I can only hold up but not chip away, I do-slowly.

These are the exciting new things I've accomplished.

1) I know have a car that is legally registered in my state of residence. Particularly fabulous since the registration in our prior state ended months ago. I can now drive with confidence, knowing there is nothing I'm doing that the 4-0 will care about. I never thought I'd be happier to see my new license plates.

I keep the bar set nice and low huh?

and 2) I finally have ordered, received, and cleaned the new bamboo fence that will make our patio a nice, private, space, as we are NOT public people. It leans against the railing now, and once it is water-sealed it will be lashed on securely. This little fence is the key to facilitating a lot of sunshine in my life, and it also tickles me truly to see.

As for all the other shit to do, it's gonna have to wait. Well I still need to do laundry and cleaning and cooking and, you know, the usual shit. But lookie here- I sat and blogged! Woot. So maybe that's number 3).

Happy Easter Darlings. Happy Easter.

Baby Blog getting Big Girl Pants

Where has the time gone?

My facebook friends, who also happen to be mothers, often comment how quickly their children have grown- how could they be so old already!

Well, I am not yet a mother, but my baby-blog turned 2 on Friday.

Could it be? So soon?

But while two years seems long (my blog will be wearing some big girl pants soon!), so very much has happened in the past two years, that it also seems strangely encapsulated that so much pain and change and upheaval could fit so tidily into two years.

And I'm happy that I didn't pull the plug on this. :)

Happy Birthday dearest blog. I totally heart you.

The making of the card

This is the making of AE's wedding card.






First one night while in the D.C. area for a conference, she sat in my car and sketched the picture in her head.

















I spent lots of time then playing with clipart to figure out how to do the image. AE & B gave me feedback to guide me, including this image of a fossilized shell to make a super cool sun.





After A LOT of fussing about (as I do) I finally came up with a draft of the card including their new dog and four three cats.
























Now it was time to carve the stamp. This part is both tedious and potentially painful if you gouge yourself which I invariably do if I don't wear gloves.



And once the stamp was carved- the fun part! AE came over one weekend to make the cards with me, choosing the colors and application.


My favorite part is seeing them toward the end, all together. My little 5-year-old heart swells at the beauty. The soft colors swirling together in perfect little images.

They looked even nicer once she added the internal text, and slid them into their lovely green envelopes. I'm afraid these photos still don't do them justice really. Imagine soft lights and fairy dust, sunlight glinting off the gold outline of the image, radiating love. That's how they look up close in person- to me anyway.

I believe I have some other photos of them laid out side by side, but that's on another undeveloped roll of film, which also contains cherry blossoms in an overcast sky. This film-camera thing really is a bummer. I realize by the time I develop the film, it costs enough I really should save that money to buy a digital camera. In time.

But that's the story of the card, for my posterity and hers, and a window into how I do this thing I do that makes me so happy.

Congratulations Rel & B! Can't wait to stand there with you and celebrate your beautiful union. :)

Whitman channeling Kwan Yin channeling Me

(I am large, I contain multitudes.)